Anima & Animus

Inner Dance of Feminine & Masculine

When I first time heard of this world - I imaged that meeting anima is meeting my soul-partner and hardly I imagined that women manifested from my dreams can turn my world upside down and shatter my existence. How does it happens?

Why when we fall in love - the experience is so intense and beyond our control ?

There is no point for regret and closing your heart to the world. The answer again is always within - in understanding our own psyche and forces which operate within us.

Integrating them we can tap into creative powers we hardly imagined before, and moreover becoming a whole and multi-dimensional personality.

Do you remember - how did you relationships end when you fell in love last time ?

We like to believe, in hindsight, that moments of temporary madness overtook us—an exception rather than a reflection of our true nature. But what if, in our daily lives, we are actually sleepwalking, unaware of who we really are? We present a front of reasonable appearance to the world, and we mistake the mask for reality. When we fall in love, we are actually being more ourselves. The mask slips off. In those moments, we come face-to-face with the unconscious forces that shape our actions and recognize the deep irrationality at the core of human nature.

As adults, we like to think we’re mature and practical, but when we fall in love, we can suddenly act like children. Our fears and insecurities feel much bigger than they really are. The idea of being left alone can make us panic, like a baby afraid of being abandoned. Our emotions swing back and forth—we go from love to anger, from trust to doubt—losing the sense of control we usually have.

We usually think we're good at judging people’s character. But when we’re infatuated or in love, we get things completely wrong—we see a selfish person as brilliant, a controlling person as protective, or a lazy person as exciting and rebellious. Others may try to warn us, but we refuse to listen. And the worst part? We often keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

When we try to analyse our behavior in these situations, we never really can understand what's going on - too much of our unconscious is at play, we don't have any rational access to the process.

Carl Jung introduced the concept which gives a profound explanation of what happens when we fall in love.

The name of entity which operates within us when we fall in love is called Anima (for men) and Animus (for the women)

Origin of Anima and Animus

In our early years, we were highly open and influenced by the world and those around us. Our first experience of someone very different from us was with the parent of the opposite sex. Interacting with their alien nature helped shape our personality in respone, adding depth and complexity to who we are. Interacting with parent of the same sex does not require the same adaptive energy.

We all possess hormones and genes of the opposite sex. Equally significant is the influence on our psyche of the parent of the opposite sex, from whom we absorb feminine or masculine traits.

In Greek mythology integrated Anima and Animus represented by Dionysus as the Divine Androgynous Archetype.

Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, ecstasy, and transformation, embodies a unique androgynous essence—transcending rigid gender roles and blending both masculine and feminine energies into a divine, fluid form. Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, ecstasy, and transformation, embodies a unique androgynous essence—transcending rigid gender roles and blending both masculine and feminine energies into a divine, fluid form.

He is an ideal figure for understanding Anima and Animus and my favourite character from Greek pantheon and we will speak of him more.

In Hinduism the same concept is represented by Vishnu himself - Preserver of the Universe

In the most critical moment when the gods and asuras were sharing the Amrita - Nectar of Immortality - Vishnu takes avatar of Mohini - stunningly beautiful female form that bewitches even the devas and asuras. Unlike a mere disguise, Mohini represents Vishnu’s ability to fully embody the divine feminine, showing that gender is fluid in the cosmic order.

The Universe is fluid in it's essence.

And likewise each of us possess feminine and masculine qualities.

But we ourselves limit the access to our full potential.

Small boys often naturally express emotions and behaviors they pick up from their mothers, such as warmth, empathy, and sensitivity. Likewise, small girls are often comfortable expressing traits learned from their fathers, like agression, boldness, intellectual rigor, and physical strength.

Additionally, each parent will also have a shadow side that the child must assimilate or deal with.

For instance, a mother may be narcissistic rather than empathetic, and father may be domineering or weak rather than protective and strong.

Children must adapt to this. In any event, the boy and the girl will internalize the positive and the negative qualities of the parent of the opposite sex in ways that are unconscious and profound.

But soon however, comes a critical point in our early lives in which we must separate from our parents and forge our identity. And the simplest and most powerful way to create this identity is around gender roles, the masculine and feminine.

If the relationships to the mother of father was mostly positive, we will tend to project onto other person the desirable qualities that our parent had, in the hope of reexperiencing that early paradise.

A man who was deeply nurtured by his mother often carries an unconscious longing to relive the warmth, safety, and unconditional love he once experienced. His Anima—formed through this early relationship—becomes an idealized, almost divine inner feminine. However, rather than integrating this energy within himself, he projects it onto a romantic partner, seeking to recreate the lost paradise of his childhood.

He is falling in love with his own anima, in the form of the desired woman.

He views his romantic partner as a savior figure, expecting her to provide endless emotional support, care, and warmth. He might ignore her flaws, seeing only the nurturing aspects he craves. He struggles with self-soothing, seeking comfort and security from his partner. He may become clingy, overly sentimental, or passive in relationships.

Since his mother may have protected him from harsh realities, he avoids confrontation, emotional discomfort, or responsibility, expecting his partner to absorb all emotional burdens.

When his partner fails to meet his impossible expectations, he feels betrayed, abandoned, or resentful—mirroring the pain of being separated from his mother’s care.

A man who had an ambivalent relationship with his mother grew up with a mix of love and unpredictability—sometimes receiving warmth and care, other times experiencing emotional distance, control, or inconsistency. We will often try to fix the original relationships by falling in love with someone who reminds us of our imperfect parent figure, in the hope that we can subtract their negative qualities and get what we never quite got in our earliest years,leading to a push-and-pull dynamic in his relationships with women and his inner emotional world.

He craves intimacy but also fears it. He may idealize women one moment and push them away the next, mirroring the inconsistent warmth and coldness he experienced with his mother. He may feel uneasy relying on others emotionally, as he learned that love is unreliable. He might resist deep attachment to avoid disappointment.

Attraction to Elusive or Unavailable Women: Since his mother was emotionally unpredictable, he unconsciously seeks partners who are hard to grasp—women who are distant, inconsistent, or emotionally complex. To avoid the uncertainty of feelings, he may overanalyze relationships or retreat into logic, fearing the instability of emotional life.

If the relationship was mostly negative, we may go in search of someone with the opposite qualities to that parent, often of a dark shadowy nature.

For instance, a girl who had a father who was too strict, distant and critical perhaps had the secret desire to rebel but didn't dare to. As a young woman she might be drawn to a rebellious, unconvetional young man who represents the wild side she was never able to express, and is the polar opposite of her father.

The rebel is her animus, now externalized in the form of the young man.

In any case, whether the association is positive, negative or ambivalent, powerful emotions are triggered, and feeling ourselves transported to the primal relationships in our childhood. In these moments, we may find ourselves acting in ways that contradict the persona we usually present—becoming needy, obsessive, controlling, hysterical. The anima and animus have their own distinct personalities, and when they take over, it’s as if an alter-ego is in control.

We are not really relating to women and men as they are, but rather to our projections. Eventually, when they fail to live up to these fantasies, disillusionment sets in, and we may blame them for not being what we had imagined. This cycle of misreading and miscommunication often leads to relationships falling apart, and without realizing the true cause, we repeat the same pattern with the next person.

Types of Gender Projections

There are infinite variations of gender projections, and below are the most common:

Devilish Romantic:

This projection comes from an unconscious attempt to recreate the emotional excitement she once had with her father. Just like how her father found his wife dull and her lively, she often seeks men who are married or emotionally unavailable, believing that she will be the one to awaken their passion.

Cultural & Mythological Examples of the Devilish Romantic Projection:

• Gatsby (The Great Gatsby) – The idealized, romantic figure, always just out of reach.

• Casanova (Historical Figure) – A brilliant seducer who was both a romantic and a heartbreaker.

• Don Draper (Mad Men) – A powerful, charismatic man who captivates women but remains emotionally elusive.

• Christian Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey) – The controlling yet romantic man who seems impossible to tame.

  
  

The Elusive Woman of Perfection:

The "Elusive Woman of Perfection" is an anima projection that haunts a man's psyche, acting as an unattainable ideal. She is not a real woman but a fragmented dream, formed from all the qualities he felt were missing in his relationship with his mother and other women in his life. She is both a promise of wholeness and a source of endless longing.

The detailed description of the Elusive Woman of Perfection anima projection is here.

The Lovable Rebel:

For a woman drawn to this animus projection, the Lovable Rebel is a man who refuses to conform, laughs in the face of rules, and follows his own path. He’s charismatic, playful, and free-spirited, often more boyish than traditionally powerful.  Unlike the Devilish Romantic, he is not dark, manipulative, or commanding—instead, his rebellion is lighthearted, youthful, and carefree.

She sees him as untamed and full of potential, someone who refuses to be tamed by society—except, perhaps, by her love.

Read detailed description of the Lovable Rebel animus projection here.

The Fallen Woman:

It is a shadow anima archetype in men, representing an unconscious and often distorted relationship with the feminine. She embodies seduction, chaos, emotional intensity, and sometimes destruction. A man with this anima projection may find himself both fascinated and haunted by women who are wild, taboo, or emotionally volatile.

Read more about the Fallen Woman anima projection here.

The Superior Man:

It is a type of projection representing a brilliant, skilled, and self-assured man who exudes power, wisdom, and authority. He may not necessarily be young or physically striking, but his aura of competence, stability, and intelligence makes him deeply attractive.

This projection can be seen in women who subconsciously seek strength and stability through a partner, drawn to a man whose commanding presence makes them feel more secure, elevated, and perhaps even intellectually or socially superior by association.

More about how the Superior Man animus projection is formed in early childhood & manifested in adult life is here.

The Woman to Worship Him:

This anima projection develops in a man who, in childhood, had a mother who adored him excessively, making him feel like he was the center of her world. However, beneath this idealized dynamic, there was often an emotional imbalance—the mother was either unfulfilled in her marriage, emotionally needy, or subtly using her son to compensate for what she lacked from her husband.

Read about the origin, kinks & integration of the Woman to Worship Him anima projection here.